I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
