I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
