you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
