apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
