Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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