Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
