Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
