you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
