dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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