dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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