I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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