my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
