she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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