I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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