Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
