That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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