Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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