his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
