Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
This baby is an asshole
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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