just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
