TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
