Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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