And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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