Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
