Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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