david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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