just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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