I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
