smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You made out with two different species that night
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
