I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
