hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
