Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
