mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
