Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
