he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
