My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
