my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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