i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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