it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
