I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
