I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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