i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You need Xanax blowdarts
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
