wrigley field is MILF paradise
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
