I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
