i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just gift wrapped bread.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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