its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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