"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize