Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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