I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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