Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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