We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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