The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
