lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
