I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
