Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
