..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
