I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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