This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
