I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
