There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
