I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Oh god it's open bar.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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