I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
