Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My cat gives me a boner
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
