I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
