I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
