Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
