as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
