It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
