I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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