when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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