I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
