am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
