I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
