i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
As shirtless as possible
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
