piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
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