dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
