girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think people are normalizing furries
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
